Na, this is not about Tarantino’s flick, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s about my accommodation, my living hell, the land of the ungrateful, greedy and conspiring – it’s about the Sharjah 1st year boys hostel.
The beauty about BITS, Dubai is that everything has to be large, big scale – BIG Fines, BIG Problems, BIG Campus…. Wait a second…. BIG Campus??? Na , I haven’t really lost it (yet). Most people think that BITS spans as much as two blocks of Knowledge(less) Village, but I think that a campus should consist of the place of learning, a library and the hostels. Therefore according to me BITS is just about as big as one and a half cities. Talk about optimism.
Any of the above doesn’t really help much, (I know I’m talking shit) but if you study in BPDC, anything goes. Anyway there are about 8-9 hostels (half of them are being closed as I write this for undisclosed reasons). My hostel, is located in Sharjah – sounds like the land of the Kings, but actually it’s like Slave Country. We have 5 floors rented in a Eighteen storey building – 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and the 16th(sounds cool, that’s what I thought). Each floor has 4 apartments, and no that does not mean I have a room to myself (In fact I don’t even have a bloody door). I live on the 2nd floor, in a two bedroom apartment, shared by eight others.
The hostel is “governed” by a fat little Bastard called Dr. Ghosh (remember the disciplinary committee), a man who talks through his nose, when he actually should use his mouth (and his head, but I guess that would be asking for too much). Dr. Ghosh (or Ghosh Madarchod, both will do) is not a man a few words, he loves shouting and screaming (insulting) unnecessarily. His favorite pastimes are imposing fines, shouting, blackmailing, threatening, lying and all other bad habits that a person whose wife refuses to screw him might have. People walk in his shadow (so that he can’t see them and fine them, not because they are scared of him) and if you get in his bad books (that might not be your fault), you’re going to be a marked man for the rest of the semester. His temper changes like as fast as pregnancy tests turn blue (you’re fucked in both cases) and he can manipulate like how I used to play with G.I. Joes. Only one, I know, can manipulate him, and that will be my little secret. When Ghosh smiles, a calamity is upon you (he smiled when he caught me with porn) and if he laughs, I suggest you run for your life (he was laughing during my Disciplinary Meeting). In the end, if you get the better of him, you become King and for sometime you will be remembered as a legend (then someone will download a three hour porn movie and there will be a new King on the throne).
Anyway back to Mon Repose, flat number 204. I live in the hall (with no door) with three others – Nasser (Won Three Hill), Prateek (Hmmm, Haan) and Elshine (Mallu). Others live in the rooms and they would be – Sanpreet (The Lonely Only Surd), Saurav (Laude Lag Gaye, Aa Baith Naa, etc.), Praveen (Buddy – If I call him something else, he’ll kill me), Morgan (The Unevolved Monkey) and Prakash (Yeyi). Well, I’d love to tell you about my roommates, but what’s the point, I’m sure you all want to know a lot more about Ghosh.
Ghosh is most probably a Bengali (Bengalis, no offence meant and anyway, he might be a cross breed). He exhibits none of the qualities of true Bengalis, that is to say, he has none of their Quick Wit, no Sharp Mind (In fact the doctors still spend long hours debating whether he has a mind at all), he absolutely lacks their strong feelings of Patriotism and finally, he has no interests in the Fine Arts (He thinks Fine Art is maths).
Ghosh, I think, feels that he is an extremely charming and handsome man. I have oft seen him flirting with the lady teachers (this of course would include the inimitable, MILF seductress Neeru Bhagat) of our college and the final proof to my claim would be his famed French Beard, which he donned in January (I was so amused by this, I had to stuff something in my mouth every time I met him, just to avoid laughing on his face, this wasn’t taken to well as he thought I was imitating him (how the hell, I don’t know!!)).He’s got a daughter and a son, who are not allowed to roam free in the hostel (I understand his concern as someone, probably me, would kidnap them, then he’d have to pay up all those fines as ransom).
Ghosh’s greed is like man’s thirst for water, always unquenched. His first priority is money, and the first thing he looks at, when he meets someone, is how much money can be extorted from him. Many have borne his harsh penalties and more will do so over the years to come… yet the world moves on unaffected, unmoved, simply proving Ignorance is Bliss.